Mental Illness

Yes I look normal, happy, work, but in reality I fight mental illness every day. If you dont see me on social media or writing for awhile it’s because I’m having bad days and I need a break from social media/networking.. Guy/Girls it’s no joke sometimes we have to step back and do what’s best for us and take care of ourselves. People think that we can control it but honestly we cant without a combination of medicine and help. I write and tell my story to help myself and to help other. Helping others is my goal in life. 💞

Keep Going!

Yes I still smile, laugh, joke, as well as cry, fight, get angry and confused. Although we know things are wrong we tend to repeat what we are use to because that’s what we know. For example, you find an amazing guy/girl but yet you can ruin it because that’s not what you’re use to. You’re use to the monster who cuts you down or makes you believe stuff that’s not true. We as humans need to realize our own worth and love ourselves! I’ve learned that no one will take my smile away from me again or make me believe I’m nothing because the truth is, even with all my flaws I’m amazing. I never was the type to let other’s ruin my day because of how they felt about me or said. I’ve only let boys (yes boy’s because men know how to treat their lady) who I’ve been involved with make me feel less then what I’m worth. No one deserves to feel less then they are and no one has the right’s to make someone feel that way! If you’re with someone who makes you feel that way stand up for yourself because you are amazing and you don’t deserve to be treated as if you’re nothing. To someone else you will be their everything and that’s what you deserve! You learn how to keep going and fighting once you learn how to love yourself as well as respect yourself! It’s not easy to do when you have been abused for along time, have mental illness, or believe you are nothing but it can be done. If I can do it as well as other so can you. 
#imafighter #survivor #fightforwhatyouwant #Believe #Freeingmyvoice #helpingothers #ragebabie #Lettinggo 

Two different people same ending!

TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE SAME ENDING!!! I CANT CALL EITHER ONE OF YOU, SEE EITHER ONE OF YOU, HUG, JOKE, OR ANYTHING ELSE I WOULD LOVE TO DO WITH EITHER ONE OF YOU! ONE OF YOU IS MY DAD, THE OTHER A CLOSE FRIEND! YOU BOTH TOOK YOURSELVES AWAY FROM ME AND OTHERS.. DAD I THOUGHT YOU LOVED US ENOUGH TO LIVE BUT A BLACK WIDOW WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU! I COULDN’T CONVINCE YOU THAT I NEEDED YOU MORE THEN ANYTHING AND STILL DO! SHON YOU WERE ALWAYS LAUGHING, JOKING, HAPPY, FULL OF LIFE, AND ALWAYS THERE FOR EVERYONE. WHEN I HEARD THE NEWS I WAS SHOCKED! I WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT BUT NOW LOOKING BACK I SEE ALOT THAT I DIDN’T BEFORE. SOME TIMES IT’S HARD TO SEE WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR OWN DEMONS. IM ANGRY, HURT, LOST, SAD, AND SO MUCH MORE ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. HOLIDAYS ARE HERE AND NO ONE CAN SHARE IT WITH EITHER OF YOU OR CALL TO WISH YOU ANYTHING! THIS IS WHY I SPEAK ABOUT MY LIFE BECAUSE IVE LIVED THIS ALONG WITH OTHER SHIT THAT HASNT BEEN GOOD. IF MY SPEAKING OUT HELPS SOMEONE GET HELP OR JUST TALK SO THEY FEEL BETTER THEN I FEEL I AM SUCCESSFUL IN WHAT IM TRYING TO DO… I WONT LIE EVEN WITH ME SAYING THIS AND GOING THROUGH ALL THIS BECAUSE OF MY MENTAL ILLNESS I STILL REACH OUT FOR HELP MYSELF BECAUSE NONE OF THIS COMES TO MIND WHEN IM IN A DARK PLACE….. #FREEINGMYVOICE #HELPINGOTHERS #SURVIVOR #FIGHTER #RAGEBABIE

IM THE WINNER…..

Letting go isn’t something that happens over night. A lot of us have to let go slowly, speak out, forget, write songs, or blog about it letting the world know, so others know they aren’t alone. People are always telling others that they need to let go as if there’s a switch to push and it will all just go away. It takes time, will power, strength, and support.
I found my strength in someone who supports me in ways they don’t know. With that being said I’m not saying that they give me all the strength I need to speak out about what happen to myself. Letting someone else know that they aren’t alone makes it easier to open up, speak out, ask for help or whatever they want to do to let it out, so they can move on in life and if letting others know what I’ve been through helps them let it out then that gives me more strength to do what I’m doing.
I’ve held so much in for years and when I tell someone about it, their shocked because they don’t know what to say or how to act. Don’t act differently and just be there for them. Let them vent, scream, cry, ramble or sit in silence with you just holding them letting them know you are there for them. When I tell my story I don’t want anyone feeling bad for me because it’s made me who I am today. I’m a strong independent woman who knows now that if I made it out of all that bullshit, I can make it through anything I set my mind to and fight for! I like to win and this is me winning and all my demons losing!
#imafighter #survivor #belive #Freeingmyvoice #imawinner #ragebabie

Daddy’s Little Girl….

I’m just a girl

Who wants his love

Who wants him in her life,

But who am I kidding, Im just a little girl who crys at night

Wishing she was alive in his life….

She’ll never be daddy’s little girl

Shell never have his love nor will he ever see her alive in his eyes

When he looks at her, he looks with strangers eyes

The love in his heart for her is so cold

I’m just a little girl in a man’s life….

By: Christie R

Dear Self….

I would like to let everyone know that although my past was hard, I live today loving myself, happy, smiling, and much more. It took me awhile to figure this out and as you read my blogs you will see the ups and downs. Do I have bad days still? Hell yea! I have mental illnesses and even though it hard to live with it, I STILL FIGHT AND STAY STRONG…. Everything I have gone through has made me stronger! I am here to stand beside anyone and fight with you!

#Imafighter #Strongerthenever #survivor #happiness #lovinglife #ragebabie #Freeingmyvoice #helpingothers

Prince who?

As a child we watch all these fairytale movie’s and as we grow up we hope to have a fairytale life. What I’ve learned, is that fairytales arent true and that the original version of those fairytales are more towards life’s truth then the ones our mom’s and dad’ let us watch. They don’t tell you that prince charming can be a rapist, abusive, controlling, and much more. This can go both ways as I’ve see it happen.

The world is an ugly place and it’s up to us how we fight it.. My dream was to get married to who I thought, was the love of my life, all for him to beat my ass over and over again. When I finally got away, I realized that it wasn’t love. The only part about that is history repeats itself…. 

Once again I’m throwing myself at a guy because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. I didnt give myself a chance to heal, I just went on to the next and in between that 9 1/2 year relationship, I found myself going back to the devil. Why would I go back to the person who hurt me so bad? It’s what I knew, it was comfort, and it was bad choices. I finally got away and it was only because he had to leave the state of FL. I strongly believe that if he would have a stayed things would have turned out really bad. 2009 after being with the guy I was with during the cheating we broke up after I tried to commit suicide and if he hadn’t come home, I wouldnt be telling my story right now. My mom saved my life….

During that time I moved in with my mom and things were going great. I was going to collage and doing me for once. It felt amazing and free. 2010 my life completely turned upside down and inside out…. 

With that being said I need to stop here….. #speaking #up #isnt #easie #mommarapper #helpes #freeingmyvoice 

 

We can all be butterflies.

Our lives can be what we make it to be. Throughout everything I’ve been through, I could have become alot of negative things. I could be in prison, on the streets, on drugs, or much more. I’m not perfect and I’m not saying I don’t fight my demon’s with everyday but I have decided to break out of my cocoon and speak up. Free my voice with hope of helping one person or child. We are all beautiful! #speakup #freeingmyvoice #ragebabie #finallydoingwhatIwant #helpingothers

Anxiety at the finest…

One minute I’m having the best conversation with myself and the next it’s not so good. What happen in such a short time? What changed? Why? That’s right, I convinced myself this and that, but why? I thought I was happy. I thought I was getting better. I was laughing, going out, having fun but in reality in the back of my mind this nasty illness is there holding me back from so much still. I start believing things that are probably not true and then bam hello anxiety! Time to stay in, smile gone, chest hurts, mind is going a mile a minute, and all you want to do is make it all stop…..

The other me says just be a bitch but the real me wants love, friends, happiness, a life! So what do I do? I get help! Does it work all the time? No! I’m always having fights in my head and fighting for air.. It sucks because if I had somewhat of a normal childhood/life then maybe, just maybe I would have one less demon I’m arguing with, in my head. #anxiety #ragebabie #fightingwithmyself #convertioninmyhead #fighter